26/02/2014

5 mesi.
Amore mio.
Oggi sono trascorsi 5 mesi.
E la cosa che più mi fa rabbia è che per tutti “tu sei stato”… È un passato ormai remoto. Mentre per me sei. In ogni momento vuoto tu sei. Non c’è notte che non ti sogni.
Ti amo piccino.

20/02/2014

Tengo marcado en el pecho
todos los días que el tiempo
no me dejó estar aquí.

Tengo una fe que madura
que va conmigo y me cura
desde que te conocí.

Tengo una huella perdida
entre tu sombra y la mía
que no me deja mentir.

Soy una moneda en la fuente,
tú mi deseo pendiente,
mis ganas de revivir.

Tengo una mañana constante
y una acuarela esperando
verte pintado de azul.

Tengo tu amor y tu suerte,
y un caminito empinado.
Tengo el mar del otro lado,
tú eres mi norte y mi sur.

Coro:
Hoy voy a verte de nuevo,
voy a envolverme en tu ropa.
Susúrrame en tu silencio
cuando me veas llegar.
Hoy voy a verte de nuevo,
voy a alegrar tu tristeza.
Vamos a hacer una fiesta
pa’ que este amor crezca más.

Tengo una frase colgada
entre mi boca y mi almohada
que me desnuda ante ti.

Tengo una playa y un pueblo
que me acompañan de noche
cuando no estás junto a mi.

Tengo una mañana constante
y una acuarela esperando
verte pintado de azul.

Tengo tu amor y tu suerte
y un caminito empinado.
Tengo el mar del otro lado,
tú eres mi norte y mi sur.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=4mCOH9SAUS0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4mCOH9SAUS0%26feature%3Dyoutu.be

You Are Grieving Right

You Are Grieving Right

Larissa Genat

 

If you want to drive to somewhere new, you can use a map. If you buy a new washing machine, you can learn all the settings by reading the manual. Baking a new kind of cake is made easier by reading a recipe and learning a new skill can be achieved by attending a class. But there is no manual when it comes to child loss; no “ten steps to correct grieving” list that you can work through. There can be some helpful resources – various organisations may provide you with brochures containing suggestions and others’ experiences may provide some helpful guidance. But there can also be some unhelpful comments made, often by those who have no idea what it is like to journey through life after the death of a child. And so I want to encourage you; chances are, no matter how you are grieving, you are grieving right.

Do you look at photos of your child every day? You are grieving right. Have you not looked at the photos since you received them? You are grieving right.

Do you wear the memorial jewelry every day? Or do you keep it safe, only to be worn on special occasions? You are grieving right.

Is your child’s birthday a day of public celebration? You are grieving right. Is your child’s birthday marked by quiet reflection?You are grieving right.

 

Even before I became a mother, I noticed that so many mothers were also competitive. Stories about labour turn into a discussion over whose labour was longest and whose was the most intense. Sharing a milestone such as a baby’s first step becomes an opportunity for someone to proudly state that their baby walked months earlier. It’s rarely said in a malicious way, but the desire for our children to be the best is often just under the surface. After all, we are proud of them; we just want others to know about their achievements. But we cannot compare our grief or what we do with it.

 

Have you joined every possible support group? You are grieving right. Have you chosen to keep to yourself, processing your grief alone? You are grieving right.

Did you bury your child, unable to handle the thought of cremation? Or did you cremate your child, needing to have their ashes at home with you? You are grieving right.

Do you always include your child when asked how many kids you have? You are grieving right. Do you find that conversation too difficult? You are grieving right.

You are grieving right

 

As well as dealing with the desire to compare our grief, too often we have to deal with others’ expectation of our grief. I’ve heard so many examples of bereaved parents being told they need to “move on” or “be happy” as though the death of a child is like a bad haircut, something that can be overcome purely by time. We know that it’s not.

Did you decide to try for another baby immediately after your child’s death? You are grieving right. Did you choose to wait, perhaps unable or unwilling to have another baby so soon? You are grieving right.

Have you started a foundation in memory of your child? You are grieving right. Do tears spring up in your eyes at the thought of doing something so public? You are grieving right.

Do you spring out of bed each morning, determined to live life to the fullest? You are grieving right. Do you stay in bed longer than normal some days, because the idea of getting up is overwhelming? You are grieving right.

There is no handbook for bereaved parents. No map you can read, recipe to follow or class to join. While so many of us are on this journey, we each walk a different path. My story of unexplained stillbirth is different to a friend’s early miscarriage, which is different to another friend’s premature birth. We are all the same but also different; just like our grief.

Whether you mention your child daily or weekly, yearly or not at all, you are grieving right.

If you honour your child publicly or privately, willingly share photos or keep those precious memories to yourself, you are grieving right.

If you journal privately, blog publicly or speak to family and friends, you are grieving right.

If you process your grief by yourself or see a counselor to help work through it, you are grieving right.

 

Your story is unique, your child is unique, and your grief is unique. However you are grieving, you are grieving right.

 

10/02/2014

Amore mio sono le 17.30 e c’è ancora luce. È stata una bella giornata e se tu non fossi volato via probabilmente saremmo a passeggio.
Mi manchi. Tutta la vita che non sarà più mi mancherai… C’eri. Ed io l’Avevo già immaginata tutta. Sciocca che sono! Tu te ne sei andato prima ancora che mi potessi render conto di quanto ti amavo. Senza nemmeno darti un bacio.

9/02/2014

Ciao piccolo DinDon,
Sei sempre nei miei pensieri. Sogno ogni notte i pochi momenti insieme e sono felice di averti potuto abbracciare anche se per poco. Piccolino mio, sei volato via così presto. Mi hai lasciato un vuoto enorme. Che ancora oggi non riesco a colmare, nemmeno con i pensieri. Mi sento persa senza te. E sento di non governare più la mia vita.
Stai vicino al tuo papà che ha bisogno di te e proteggi sempre la tua sorellina.
Ti amo, piccino mio.